Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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