I wish I could punch you in the face.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
