I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
