so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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