you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hippo gnu deer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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