I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
