i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
