i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
