We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my poor anus
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
