My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
