Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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