She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
