i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
