no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
