im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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