Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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