There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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