I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
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Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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