how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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