She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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