Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.

(917): View more from New York City

why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I thought Christmas was going to come before I did

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(818): View more from California

I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

(310): View more from California

wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

(818): View more from California

why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

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(716): View more from New York

Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm so glad i pay social security

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(201): View more from New Jersey

My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

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(248): View more from Michigan

the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying

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(559): View more from California

Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.

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