Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
