you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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