If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
