Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
