there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
