She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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