I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
