I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
