At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
