Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
