I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
