Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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