please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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