I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
