Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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