he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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