I'm lost and stupid without you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
