Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
