Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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