he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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