My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
