I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
