he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All the doctor said was why
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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