please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
