I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
