hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
