Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
