My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
