Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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