Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
