He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
