I wanna passion pit in your ass
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Boobs are out for the taking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
