i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
