So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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