that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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