If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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