Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just google imaged poop.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
