I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
