Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
