i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
