You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
