There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize