its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
