My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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