After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
