The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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