Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
