Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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