Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
